I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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