so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
