so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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