he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize