direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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