i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
