my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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