Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
