hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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