i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
