I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
