I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
