It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
