I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
