I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
