Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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