jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
