had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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