btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
