My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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