He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
