I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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