Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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