I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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