like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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