He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
