Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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