Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
