there's paper in my vomit.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
