This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
