judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
