ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
