I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
