i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
