I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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