Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
