cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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