mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
