I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She even gives head with a lisp.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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