Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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