Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
