I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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