Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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