Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
