if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
