Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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