Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
