And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
