I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Randomize