Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
