Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
