you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
