you traded sex for a burrito?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
