yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
