Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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