Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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