Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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