Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
