oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize