What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
