Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
