scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
