PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
