take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
