the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
