im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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