No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
