Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
