When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
